Marriage is not a guarantee of happiness

Those who celebrate their wedding with a lavish party are just as seldom parting. This also applies to couples whose parents had a long marriage.

Everyone needs their freedom

There is no recipe for a long and happy relationship. But with a few rules, a relationship can be harmonious in the long run and satisfy both partners. It is important that you do not expect too much from your partner: Say goodbye to the idea that your fairytale prince or princess will save you, do everything for you and read every wish in your eyes. These expectations cannot be met, so that conflicts are inevitable in the long run. Keep your freedom, because even if you are in a relationship, you are still an independent personality with your own interests. It also keeps the tension in the relationship. Because your partner can always discover new sides to you.

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Can’t Germans be loyal in partnership? And is marriage a thing of the past? A recent poll shows that most people are skeptical of monogamy. And yet around 375,000 couples marry every year – in the hope of lasting happiness.

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Every second person doesn’t believe in loyalty

Germans doubt the model of marriage and lifelong partnership. Every second person is of the opinion that monogamy is not possible. This was the result of a representative survey by GfK Marktforschung on behalf of the “Apotheken Umschau”. More than half of the respondents (53.4 percent) believe that very few couples manage to remain true to one another throughout their marriage or partnership. In the opinion of around 80 percent, divorce is no longer a big deal.

Separation no longer leads to exclusion

Men and women are of the same opinion, according to the results of the survey. “Our culture is no longer as supportive of partnerships as it used to be, and the marriage vows are no longer as binding. Everything is based much more on voluntariness.” This is how the Hamburg graduate psychologist and couple therapist Oskar Holzberg interprets the general doubts about a lifelong partnership in the magazine. Separating oneself no longer means social exclusion, not even for women.

Most divorces result from women

“Two thirds of all divorces are now filed by women,” said the social psychologist Elke Rohmann from the Ruhr University in Bochum. Women have become more independent and are no longer willing to compromise in marriage at any cost – just in order not to raise children alone or to feel financially more secure.

Every third marriage ends in divorce

The survey interviewed 2,028 citizens aged 14 and over, including 1,040 women and 988 men. The results match the current divorce figures from the Federal Statistical Office in Wiesbaden. Accordingly, every third marriage in Germany breaks up at some point – but on average not in the “darn seventh year”, but only after a good 14 years. In 2009 around 185,000 marriages were separated by a judge.

wish and reality

That’s the reality. However, this is offset by the desire for lasting marital happiness. Carried by this hope, around 378,000 couples said yes in 2009. In the past, however, more couples tied the knot. Surveys from the past few months also confirm the need for loyalty: a survey among men between 18 and 40 years of age showed that 93 percent of them had loyalty from their partner high on their wish lists.community service experience essay

The divorce rates in the major German cities are very different. (Photo: imago) On the day of your wedding, you can’t imagine going your separate ways again. But the reality is different: As the Federal Statistical Office in Wiesbaden reports, the divorce rate is currently around 39 percent. Accordingly, a total of 191,900 marriages were divorced in 2008, or 4800 or three percent more marriages than in 2007. But there are big differences between the major German cities. The most common break in love is in the Catholic strongholds of Aachen and Osnabrück. The following list provides a current divorce ranking:

Ranking list divorce rate in German cities

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Most of the time the women don’t want any more

In 2008, the majority of the divorce applications continued to come from women and only in about every third case from men (37 percent). But the men are catching up: the number of applications they submitted rose by five percent. Around 85 percent of marriages were divorced after a year of separation last year, three percent more than in 2007. Almost half of the divorced couples had children under the age of 18. The number of underage children affected by divorce increased by around four percent to 150,200, as the Wiesbaden authority reported.

It’s not going to get divorced any longer

But there is also good news: from year to year more time passes before couples decide to separate; In 2008, the average marriage length at divorce was 14.1 years. In the previous year, the partners had been married for an average of 13.9 years, in 1990 it was 11.5 years.

When she talks too much and he is silent

Various studies show that there are factors in favor of a long or short marriage. For example, the frequency of separation increases among couples if the woman has a full-time job or has a higher education than the husband. If she is more of a chatterbox and the man is a silent type, this can become a reason for separation, as can too much stress. One of the most common reasons for a marriage to end is still the affair.

Connect children and property

Those who marry late separate less often: each additional year of life at the time of the wedding reduces the risk of divorce for men by two percent, and for women by as much as seven percent. Those who celebrate their wedding with a lavish party are also less likely to part. This also applies to couples whose parents had a long marriage.

Everyone needs their freedom

There is no recipe for a long and happy relationship. But with a few rules, a relationship can be harmonious in the long run and satisfy both partners. It is important that you do not expect too much from your partner: Say goodbye to the idea that your fairytale prince or princess will save you and will read your every wish from your eyes. These expectations cannot be met, so that conflicts are inevitable in the long run. Keep your freedom, because even if you are in a relationship, you are still an independent personality with your own interests. It also keeps the tension in the relationship. Because your partner can always discover new sides to you.

Parents special What consequences a divorce has for the children

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The new divorce law is intended to regulate the division of assets more fairly. (Photo: Imago) If the marriage breaks up, couples are often faced with a pile of broken glass. Who gets the apartment, who gets the car, who gets the funds? The pension entitlements must also be divided. However, so far there have been numerous ways to cheat. This will be more difficult from September 1st. A new law is supposed to make the division of wealth more equitable. The changes in the new divorce law mainly affect the equalization of profits. It comes into force if no marriage contract has been concluded. In this case, both partners each receive half of the increase in wealth acquired in the marriage.

What you should know About the new divorce law

Cheating becomes more difficult

The new law adheres to the principle that the gain made during the marriage in the event of a divorce is divided equally between the spouses. However, debts that were brought into the marriage will no longer be offset against the gain in the future. Up until now, the “negative initial wealth” of one partner could mean that the other had to pay compensation after the divorce, even though the gain was not higher than that of the partner. Example: He owes 30,000 euros before the wedding, which will be repaid during the marriage. She has no debts, but neither does she have any assets. During the marriage everyone earns 50,000 euros. So when the marriage is divorced, he has $ 20,000 plus, she has $ 50,000. According to the old law, she has to pay him 15,000 in compensation for the 30,000 euros she has more. According to the new law, nothing.

Effective upon application

In addition, there is a new reference date for determining the couple’s financial situation: It is no longer the day of the divorce, but the date of the divorce petition. This is to prevent either spouse from stashing or squandering wealth in the meantime. It is not uncommon for condominiums to be rewritten, jewelry given away and expensive trips to be made in the period between the separation and the official divorce date. In addition, those affected have to give an account of any “asset reductions” in the period between separation and the application for divorce. For example, if one of the partners tries to sell his apartment to get rid of the proceeds, the other can take the court on.

New maintenance regulation

In addition to the division of assets, there are also changes in the maintenance obligation. With the so-called pension equalization, from September the statutory and private pensions in the event of divorce must also be split half between the partners. The new maintenance regulations, which give more weight to “post-marital personal responsibility”, have been in force since last year. This law enables a more flexible regulation of maintenance payments. Specifically, this means: The financial support of the financially weaker partner can be shortened and limited more easily than before. Lifelong maintenance is no longer the rule, but rather the exception. If children were born in the marriage, the woman must return to work – at least part-time – after the divorce at the latest when the youngest child is three years old. After the youngest child’s last day of primary school at the latest, the mother must then look for a full-time job.

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Unemployed? Ill? Hopefully you are at least married – with the happiest partner possible! Because that, says British scientist Nick Powdthavee, compensates for the emotional consequences of losing a job and makes up for a two-month hospital stay. “Being married to a happy partner makes you far happier than owning a house,” Powdthavee found. And he means what he says: His statements are expressly only valid for married couples. The economist found in his studies that the happiness of the partner has significantly less effect on couples without a marriage license. Test Are you fit for marriage?

Better spread of risk in marriage

For his study Powdthavee evaluated the data of 9,700 married and 3,300 unmarried couples aged 16-65 years. Based on complicated calculations, he was able to determine that a happy partner can increase one’s own well-being by up to 30 percent. Particularly amazing: marriage makes the difference. The scientist was hardly able to observe this effect in couples who live together but are not married. The result is all the more astonishing since it was widely believed that non-marital relationships shared risks (and shared happiness) in the same way as marital relationships, Powdthavee said.

Speculation as to why

Scientists can only guess why the transfer of happiness works better in marriage than in unmarried partnerships. In his opinion, the research confirms the idea of ​​marriage as a community in which two people share both material goods and experiences of good and bad times. Apparently, the willingness to weather crises together is significantly lower among unmarried couples.

Marriage is no guarantee of happiness

With all the praise for the marriage, Powdthavee does not claim that the marriage certificate in itself makes you happy. With 213,975 divorces, which the Federal Statistical Office shows for 2003, this cannot be the case, especially since the divorce rate is rising steadily. To make matters worse: divorce in most cases makes you very unhappy, much more unhappy than separations from significant other. That too has long been scientifically proven. So better not a marriage after all? Or happy single? In 2003 the “Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung” asked economics professor Bruno S. Frey about happiness factors and their weight. His comment on this: “Sure, better to be happy as single than unhappy in marriage. But on average, married people are happier.”

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In the event of a divorce, various things have to be settled between the ex-partners. The pension equalization in the event of a divorce is used to provide financial security for spouses after the divorce. This means that entitlements to pension payments that have been paid in for years can be retained even after the divorce. But what exactly is legally hidden behind the pension adjustment?

Definition of pension equalization

The pension adjustment is intended to compensate for the disadvantage for the spouse who was unable to pursue an activity subject to social insurance due to the marriage.

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